Day Three – Driving into Calf Heads – May 22, 2011

We got up again at 8am for our continental breakfast, which seemed much earlier than yesterday. Apparently a two hour nap in the middle of the afternoon does not make for a good night’s sleep, and I think both of us had trouble drifting off last night.

After our tasty repast, we packed up Nancy (our hired Renault Clio – our sat nav with the Australian accent is named Gavin, or Gav-O/Gazza for short) and drove out of town. On the itinerary for the day was a tour of the vineyards and villages of the champagne region, with stops for lunch and photographs along the way.

We chose, after getting out of Epernay itself, to relegate Gav-o to the backseat, only to be called up on in emergency situations. Jamie had a map with extremely limited detail as provided by the tourist office, and if it’s free, it must be quality, or so they say, evidently.

We drove for about six hours in total. I’m not completely sure where we went, as I didn’t have the map and Gav-o was giving us the silent treatment, but I did see the towns of Pierry, Moussy, St Martin-d’Ablois, then Boursault, Oeuilly and Festingy. At this point, we took a wrong turn and ended up some time later in Orbais l’Abbaye. For those keeping track, this is sort of the equivalent of aiming for Seattle and hitting Dallas instead (only not on such a grand scale). A very long detour back up north and we found the vines again.

At this point, we felt that lunch was in order and started looking out for a place to stop and eat. We realized that while the villages and towns of Champagne are very scenic, unless you know where to look there doesn’t seem to be many places to eat (and clearly we didn’t know where to look). We eventually found a restaurant on the river in Damery, however as we didn’t have a reservation, there was no room for us. Bugger. Much driving and a scenic viewpoint later in the aptly named town Belleville (not on the map, but a nice view nonetheless), we found a roadside restaurant between St-Imoges and Champillon.

Now, if you’ve never had lunch at a French country restaurant, you might not be prepared for the serving sizes. We have had lunches such as this, but apparently have forgotten, because we each ordered the faux fillet. What we received was a huge slab of beef, with at least 3 ounces of unmelted garlic and parsley butter sitting in all it’s artery hardening glory on top. This with a side order of fries each as well. We made a valiant effort, each of us, but in the end had to admit defeat. It did make us feel slightly better than the French couple at the table next to us made similarly surprised noises about the serving sizes and seemed to have much trouble finishing as well.

Sufficiently suffuncified, we were back into the car and off to the last bit of the champagne tour, focussing on the town of Bouzy so we could take our photo in front of the sign (yes, we are a bit childish, but we have fun so aren’t so concerned about it). From here we made our eventual way back to Epernay for a much deserved break at the B&B for some reading and charging of various batteries.

Dinner was planned for 8pm at Le Cave de Champagne, but by 4:00 we were ready to leave the flat and head out into town. The only reasonable course of action was to start at Le Progres for a fortifying glass or two of champagne while we considered our options. The obvious choice, as it turned out after the two glasses of champagne was to try the flight of champagne at the champagne bar up the road – 6 glasses of local non-super-house champagnes for £39, in a very charming little bar.

Our pre-dinner entertainment, besides the champagne of course, was surreptitiously watching in horror as the middle-aged and extremely drunk couple at the table next to us came as close to having carnal knowledge of each other as is possible in a public place without being arrested. The lowlight of the display was when I was given a shocking “Basic Instinct” moment by the woman. Unpleasant.

Eventually they left and the evening picked up. We finished our flight and walked the short 20 metres down the road to the restaurant for dinner. We’d heard mixed reviews of the restaurant and had a very mixed experience ourselves.

The other two dinners we’d had, we’d enjoyed a very relaxed and casual atmosphere along with good food (especially at Le Coquille). At Le Cave de Champagne, after seating us and taking our orders, they seemed aggressively indifferent to the course of our evening. Not once were our glasses topped up (we’d ordered a bottle of champagne, which I poured all night), nor were we asked how we were enjoying our meals or if we needed anything. I can live with food that isn’t Michelin three star quality, however I can’t stand poor service.

As for the food, I’m not sure what I can say. I have a philosophy that I don’t know if I like something until I try it, paired with a desire to try new things, especially if it’s a delicacy in a region I’m travelling in. This has lead to some disastrous yet memorable meals – pied de cochon (fried pigs foot) in Paris, tripe in tomato sauce in Rome, Andouilette (sausage made from the lower intestine of a pig – tastes good but there’s apparently no way to get rid of the smell) in Rennes, and now Tete de Veau in Epernay.

To be clear, Tete de Veau translates to “head of calf.” I’d read about it in Michael Sadler’s “An Englishman in Paris,” which I’d greatly enjoyed. I’ve also had tete de couchon in Paris which was incredibly tasty. I thought I’d give it a go, how bad could it possibly be?

In a word, it was bad. Not so much the taste, as it didn’t have much, it was more the texture (or lack thereof). After discussion later with the waiter at Le Progres where we stopped for a final nightcap, I’d probably been served the lower lip and/or chin of the calf, which is pretty gelatinous. This with a generous portion of brain and I think some tongue, was more than I could handle. I made a valiant effort and ate all the actual meaty bits, as well as a good portion of the brain and all of the tongue. The lip/chin bit was my downfall.

I’ve been trying to come up with a way to describe the texture of the skin and fatty meaty bit underneath, and the best I can come up with is slightly beefy flavoured warm Turkish delight, without the sweetness or stickiness. That doesn’t quite do it justice, as one could almost convince oneself that warm beefy Turkish delight without the sweetness or stickiness could be enjoyable. Beef lip and/or chin is not enjoyable, even with the warm vinegary sauce it was served with.

I ate a bit of it, but then I thought about what I was eating, and concentrated very briefly on the texture in my mouth, and was nearly forced to spit it out. Thanks to a large swallow of water I managed to get it down, then had a second bite to make sure the gag reflex wasn’t a mistake, hoping that it was and I’d be able to finish my meal. It wasn’t a mistake. I came closer the second time to losing it, but another gulp of water saw me through, at which point I admitted defeat.

The woman who took my plate was horrified at the amount of quivering goo left on my plate, and made a rapidfire comment in French about it. She then took it away, and I heard much commotion in the kitchen. Evidently leaving the best bit of the face just isn’t done and they were very concerned.

We finished our meal with very tasty deserts, although mine was possibly slightly overshadowed by the horror with what had just befallen me. Bottle complete and plates clean, we paid up and went back to Le Progres for a final glass of champagne, and also so Jamie could laugh at me for a while for ordering and attempting to eat tete de veau.

So ends our stay in Champagne – a very successful, if slightly expensive few days (bottles of champagne, while cheaper here than in London, are still quite pricey). Tomorrow is going to be another day of driving as we make our way to the Loire to explore the garden of France and to see if they have as many chateaux as it seems they do there.